Communication in relationships

The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. – by Edwin Friedman

“Attitudes are the real figures of speech” was my reply to a desperate friend who finds his relationship a mess. Endless misunderstanding is a common scenario between them but he doesn’t want to give up on her.

“Just like this afternoon…” he continued on venting out while I fixed my gaze on his lonely eyes.

“Would you like to stop for an ice cream?” my girlfriend said
“No, thanks,” I answered truthfully.

“The result? she became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. I became frustrated because she became irritable. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted?” He stopped talking as he smoked fidgeting on his seat.


I lowered my eyes while  listening to his predicament as I mused over the same experiences I had with my exs.

“You’re illogical,” “You’re self- centered,” “You don’t care about me.” were the usual complaints I received.  Of course, I didn’t take it sitting down.  Usually, I try to analyze what made them say such things by asking them in an affectionate manner questions that would lead me to discover the main cause of their wounded ego.

I discovered that the seemingly senseless misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can in part be explained by the different conversational rules by which men and women (anatomically equipped or not !?) play.

“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.”  – John Gray

Once we grasp the two characteristic approaches, we stand a better chance of preventing disagreements from spiraling out of control.

Learning the other’s ways of talking is a leap across the communication gap between men and women ( again, anatomically equipped or not!), and a giant step towards genuine understanding.

Smoking together, I told my friend:  “men are from mars and women are from venus.”

His eyes lightened up!

Communication quotes to follow….


How a newbie can build a website in two days (Part IV)

Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
– Anais Nin

I presume someone would ask me: “what is the connection of a friendship quote with website building? ” There is! I have lots of friends using different browsers with different versions and they could tell me if something is wrong with my site and vice versa.  Through my site, I have been receiving the gift of new friendships. Those who would give words of encouragements about my site and then criticize me later on when this “feeling of confidence” starts to brew. smiley The more friends you have, the better chances of checking out your site and improving it…so take advantage of them.

If you still remember, I have recommended to test your newly created site with different browsers and platforms. Oftentimes factors like haste or our lack of time to check it would result to a disastrous site beyond our sight! Ask yourself these questions:

  • Do Your Pages Look The Same on All Browsers? I don’t think so. The same page seen on each different browser can have a different look.
  • Are You Losing Visitors Because Of Broken Pages? Visitors blame the Web site, not the browser

First of all, “What is a browser“?

Your Web browser is a translation device. It’s somewhat like Babelfish, Google’s language tools, etc.

Now when you write your document in HTML, CSS and now there is XHTML, the browser translates it so you can view it as a web page.

The problem is: there are a lot of browsers around! It is like giving 4 human translators (Netscape, Internet explore, Firefox and Opera) a sentence written in Italian and asking them to translate into english. All four will give the same meaning BUT may NOT use the same words, get it??

Therefore, browser display problems can ruin your web pages. Possible causes are:

  • Multiple Browsers– Internet Explorer, Opera, FireFox and Netscape.
  • Different Browser Versions
  • Different Computer Platforms – Windows, Mac, and now Linux.

And to add:

  • Screen Size – From 800 x 600 pixels to 1024 x 768.
  • HTML Errors – Mistakes that break your page.
  • Browser Bugs – Little known errors cause big problems

How are you going to test your Website?

What should testing include? 

  •  HTML validation– this will help you identify HTML coding errors, when it doesn’t follow the correct HTML standard. It is a grammar-checker that understands the rules of HTML. The more valid your HTML coding is, the more people will be able to view it correctly in any browser.

There are free online validation services to use:

The W3C HTML Validation Service


  • Bad links – check your website for broken or bad links

WWW Link checker

  • Download time – keep your download time for your home page size under 20 seconds, more than that, you will lose half of your visitors.

To check your download time using modem speeds of 14.4k, 28.8k, 56k, ISDN 128K and T1 Link 1.44 Mbps, try –

 Website optimization

  • Browser compatibility–  As I’ve said, ask your net friends what kind of browsers and versions are they using so they could check your site. If you don’t have any net friends, ask your relatives, and colleagues, neighbors to test your site. Ask them to provide you their recommendations on improving your Website, there is nothing wrong with a pinch of humility.

Let’s test our website.  It’s important if you want those search engines to find your site, if you want to have visitors who will click your ads hence monetizing your website.

It is important for me to test it because some of my visitors will eventually be my friends and I want my site to bring out “a new world ” in me!