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  • Feel free to browse around... 'LOVE' Category

    Between infidelity and love, we always have our choice in any given moment.

    Where is this love? I can’t see it, I can’t touch it. I can’t feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can’t do anything with your easy words. – Alice, portrayed by Natalie Portman in Closer 2004 film

    I cannot help but like the movie “Closer” for its honesty in portraying a dysfunctional relationship relating to infidelity and love. It portrays the consequence of breaking moral laws. Lies and deceits make a messy relationship.

    However, a reader sent me an email which gives a positive outlook in all our human frailties. This person does not accept the moral chaos as a “fact of life” but strongly believes that love is more important than faith, trust and infidelity.

    I am publishing his email in his response to my post “I love you it’s over“…

    “Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.” – Eric Fromm

    What is the essence of a good relationship? I guess the greatest need in a relationship would be trust. I mean, there wouldn’t be any developments in a relationship without it. It simply just wouldn’t work out. Without it, everything would mean nothing. This so called “trust” is a really valuable thing. When gained, one should take care of it, nurture it like a child until it grows strong. It’s easily broken, and hard to fix. It would be like going through hell just to get it back, it’s that hard. There are a lot of ways to break trust, one of which is cheating on your girlfriend or your boyfriend.

    This is my story… Me, my girl and our relationship. We enjoy each other’s company, no fights! One day, I found out that my girlfriend, the one I trust, the one that I love, was cheating on me. At first, I was infuriated and at the same time confused. I waited for her to tell me, but nothing! Thoughts like “does she still love me? keep taunting me, not telling me that she loves another guy, hurt!

    But I just couldn’t tell her what I know, because if I tell her, there will be a fight, we’d break up, and I’ll be left alone. Months passed by, days faded away, the sun rises, then the sun sets… still, nothing changed. I tried to be sweeter and be more attentive. Even after I tried to be a better partner, she continued her secret life with the same guy. “Should I tell her? or shouldn’t I?”

    It wasn’t really easy to decide. I’m being a total fool, blinding myself. I already know she’s with someone else, so why keep on living with her? Why keep tolerating what she’s doing? She is not aware of the pain she is causing me. I wanted to be greedy, I even thought about confronting the other guy, but I just couldn’t. That guy was really getting on my nerves! Makes me just want to take a picture of him, stick it to a dart board then throw as many darts at his face! Which is exactly what I did.

    Then it hit me. This very subtle, humble and deep meaning… “Love”. I couldn’t take any risks of telling her or even just showing her that I knew because I love her. I love simply because I love. She is not my property to give her limitations and exert my rights as her partner!

    I love her… So I just went on with my martyrdom.  Acting like everything was ok, like nothing was wrong.  What kept me going was the thought of her, still being there for me, even though she found another person to admire and love. All I could tell her was I couldn’t lose her.

    Infidelity and love

    I have died everyday waiting for you…

    I know I’m being a fool, a martyr, and stupid. They say people do stupid things for the people they love, it’s true. Actually I think I’m a perfect example of that kind of person but I don’t regret  what I am doing.  Until now she’s still cheating on me, but hey, she’s still mine right? I will love her for a thousand years more!




    The cruelest lies are often told in silence. – Robert Louis Stevenson

    It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
    Thomas Paine

    We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”

    I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

    Let our scars fall in love.”  Galway Kinnells

    If you say, I love you, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity. –Jean Baudrillard

    The nurse of infidelity is sensuality.- Lord David Cecil

    When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself. – Isaac Bashevis Singer

    It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”
    Samuel Johnson

    Cheating is not an accident. It’s a choice.” – Raffy from ‘A Secret Affair

    When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” –  Tom Robbins


    “I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.” – Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun

    Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.”  – David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary

    “It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.” – Henry Rollins, The Portable Henry Rollins

    “Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”

     – Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

    People generally didn’t cheat in good relationships.”  –  Emily Giffin, Something Blue

    Don’t stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It’s me, remember? It was a stupid thing to do and it meant nothing. If you love me enough, you’ll forgive me. – Anna, portrayed by Julia Roberts in Closer, 2004

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    Love doesn’t lie, people do. Love doesn’t leave, people do. Love surely doesn’t leave you broken and annoyed. That’s something only a person is capable of doing. Don’t blame love, if it’s not in you.” –DeAndre Carswell

    Are you happy with your relationship?Do you still feel the need to hold on to it even when you no longer feel its magical power of not being annoyed by your partner’s smell, look, opinions and behavior?

    You slowly feel your needs are not satisfied. Emotionally, physically, financially, sexually and morally you feel like going down the drain.You feel hurt, in pain and alone.You might post your status in Facebook from “ In a relationship” to “it’s complicated” leaning to “single” and finally “unstable”!Status Facebook

    Now let’s take an honest look at the mirror and ask ourselves “what have I done  for this relationship?” “Am I still committed to this relationship?”For me it is important to believe that love is MORE than just a feeling. Love is also a decision, a commitment, a choice.Having said so, let us evaluate 5 important areas of our relationship.

    1.   Spending time alone together – This is a problem with couples who have kids, who are “career –ambition oriented”, and  who are engross with hobbies or friends and other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. it’s important that you have time alone together. Seriously — make the time. Your partner should be your priority. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together.  Build bridges.
    2.  Appreciate each other – Try to see the good things about your partner. Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way. Don’t take your partner for granted or the relationship will drift towards a platonic level.Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often
    3.  Be intimate often – Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadness as well as hopes and dreams.Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
    4.  Talk, share and give and meet halfway –Know your needs and express them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, fear expressing  their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.Solve problems as they arise – Don’t let resentments simmer. Cut it off while it’s still small. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.There are two good ways to deal with resentment:
    • breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all because  none of us is perfect; or
    •  talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you – meet halfway ! Negotiate, compromise, rather than asking the other person to change; try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.

    5.  Don’t keep score – Keeping score is one of the most damaging things you can do to your relationship. I did the dishes last night, it’s his turn to apologize , it’s her turn to clean the bathroom, sexual intimacy is going zero every week, etc. Keeping score leads to resentment, hard feelings and a whole lot of stuff. If you find yourself starting to keep score -STOP- get together and talk. Talk about joint responsibilities, set realistic expectations, and talk openly about how you may feel you’re being taken for granted and where the other person could pitch in.

    All relationships have their ups and downs just like a roller coaster. It does not ride at a continuous high all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger. Patience, respect , listening skills and love are our handy tools.

    So try to make a  good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself.  Don’t  just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner.Let us examine it and use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship.

    Change yourself before you change your relationship. Remember,  love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of.It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other.If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before. What do you think?


    Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,Flight to Arras, 1942, translated from French by Lewis Galantière

    Celebrate every relationship you have ever had. For better or worse, our relationships are our best teachers. And on a soul level, we’ve attracted each and every one of them so we can learn and grow. -Dr. Christiane Northrup

    Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one. – Don Miguel Ruiz

    Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online. Sex became easy, the word “love” gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option and being hurt became natural. –unknown

    Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand. – Emily Kimbrough

    There are days when you need someone who just wants to be your sunshine and not the air you breathe. –Robert Brault

    Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. – Leo Buscaglia

    If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? – Stephen Levine

    Assumptions are the termites of relationships. – Henry Winkler

    I felt it shelter to speak to you. – Emily Dickinson

    Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmor

    Relationships: If you put up with it, you’re going to end up with it. Set the standard you want and don’t settle for less. -Steve Maraboli

    Every relationship can be a lesson in self-worth. The person who is the hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons. Its important to remember, that when you believe that – We are all One, its virtually impossible to find that hurting another feels good. For hurting another means hurting yourself. So-called irresponsible behavior vanishes and your gifted with the freedom to create a new life.” –Neale Donald Walsch

    To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. – Doménico Cieri Estrada

    Never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about.  –Author Unknown

    As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. -Author Unknown

    Don’t bring baggage from an ex-relationship into your next relationship…unless you want it to be a short trip.” –Robert Tew

    Without a single thought, two hands collide and the world finally makes sense again. – Kayla Dawn

    Happiness is having a dream you cannot let go of and a partner who would never ask you to. – Robert Brault

    Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey

    There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire. – Robert Brault

    Plan your relationships around your life… Not your life around your relationships. –Robert Tew

    Not all relationships are meant to last, they’re just practice for the one that does. -Linda Poindexter

    Love makes the relationship. Trust makes the difference in the success of the relationship. –Mark Amend

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