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  • Feel free to browse around... 'LEAVE or STAY' Category

    A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” – George Moore


    Can you still stay for awhile? Sofia, 10 year old daughter of my host family in Austria yelled out from her window as I was about to put my last luggage inside the car. In my haste, I remember I forgot to kiss her good-bye as I didn’t see her around.

    Her words and my never ending rushing are my crossroads in life.  I always have these choices: stay or leave.  Sadly for those who asked me to stay, I opted to leave.

    These past two months of extensive travelling and rushing really drained me out. I feel hollow inside! There never seems to be enough time. I have less for myself and far less for another person.

    I see myself in those who are impatient for people who talk or walk slowly, impatience in traffic, slow service, etc. “Time is money” we say. We rarely have time for real dialogue or for just “wasting time”.  Living in a European culture, this kind of system is eating me up slowly or faster?

    somewhere never anywhere

    This month, my work took me up to the beautiful Alps of Europe. Trekking along the steepy trails, enjoying the silence and solitude of the mountain sides, immersing in deep thoughts on a mountaintop while observing the panaroma below gave me a chance to slow down my pace and begin to see the world in a different perspective.

    The marvelous part of it, I was only carrying a light backpack and in between pause, I would sit down pondering on a quote  inscribed on a plaque affixed to the bench like these:

    travel -Alice in Wonderland


    Yes, Just where am I going anyway? Where is there? Who am I? etc

    I am always going somewhere, never being anywhere…never being with the person or people I care for.

    One hiker beside me was reading a book of Helen Nearing, “Loving and leaving the Good life” and she smilingly showed me a passage from the book:

    When one door closes, another opens . . . into another room, another space, other happenings. There are many doors to open and close in our lives. Some doors we leave ajar, where we hope and plan to return. Some doors are slammed shut decisively – “No more of that!” Some are closed regretfully, softly – “It was good, but it is over.”

    Departures entail arrivals somewhere else. Closing a door, leaving it behind, means opening onto new vistas and ventures, new possibilities, new incentives.”

    Reading it seemed to give me another oracle to my queries: am I ready to close a door? what am I ready to give up?

    I am beginning to  believe that no external success can atone for internal failures.

    I placed my last heavy luggage inside my car and went back to see Sofia.  I looked at her sad eyes wanting to tell her I can’t stay as I have another train to catch up. Instead, my lips uttered…”okay, I will stay for awhile!”


    What am I doing here?”
    Rimbaud writing home from Ethiopia

    Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

    Muhammad says, ‘Love of one’s country is a part of the faith.’
    But don’t take that literally! Your real ‘country’ is where you’re heading, not where you are.
    Don’t misread that hadith.”

    If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.”
    Henry Miller

    Traveling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.'”
    – Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

    When you are everywhere, you are nowhere.
    When you are somewhere, you are everywhere.”
    – Rumi

    Travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday, placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art.”
    Freya Stark

    If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.”
    Glenn Clark

    Home is where I should be.” – Isak Dinesen, Out of africa

    No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” –Lin Yutang


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    Before and after you fall in love: …

    BEFORE – You take my breath away    AFTER – I feel likeI’m suffocating

    BEFORE – Twice a night                    AFTER – Twice a month

    BEFORE – She says she loves the way I take control of a situation     AFTER – She calls me a controlling, manipulative egomaniac

    BEFORE – Don’t stop                            AFTER – Don’t start

    BEFORE – Is that all you’re having?     AFTER – Maybe you should have just a salad, honey

    BEFORE – It’s like I’m living in a dream     AFTER – It’s like she lives in a dorm

    BEFORE – 60 Euro/doz.                              AFTER – 1.50 Euro/stem

    BEFORE – We agree on everything     AFTER – Doesn’t she have a mind of her own?

    BEFORE – La Perla, Victoria’s Secret     AFTER – Fruit-of-the-Loom, So-En

    BEFORE – Idol                                            AFTER – Idle

    BEFORE – I love a woman with curves     AFTER – I never said you were fat

    BEFORE – Time stood still     AFTER – This relationship is going nowhere

    BEFORE – Croissant and cappuccino     AFTER – Bagel and instant

    BEFORE – You look so seductive in black     AFTER – Your clothes are so depressing

    BEFORE – Oysters     AFTER – Fishsticks

    BEFORE – Passion     AFTER – Ration

    BEFORE – Once upon a time     AFTER – The end

    It's over

    Relationships are one of the most complex aspects of our lives. To decide to end up a relationship when you fall out of love  is easier than being caught in the middle. Middle of what?  Between your mind and heart, of course! This is what I’m going to deal now: loving your partner but for some reasons, you are confused, perhaps, pathetic?!

    So, are you having this “too good to leave, too bad to stay” dilemma?? Please read on.

    I think it is time I let you go, and that is so hard to do because some part of me will be in love with you for the rest of my life, but the daydreaming, the running in place .. it’s not healthy. So this is me, cutting the cord. This is me, doing what I should have done eight months ago … saying goodbye.” –Dawsons Creek

    “I don’t know if I should end up our relationship”, Gianna confided sadly as we were having our cappuccino together. “Are you happy with your relationship?” I asked her searching for a glint of joy in her blue eyes. She fumbled her fingers inside her bag looking for her pack of cigarette as she answerd with confusion in her voce: ” I am sure I love him but he is always hurting me. He doesn’t trust me. He is controlling my life… what to wear, where I go, what I eat. I feel I’m loosing my identity.”

    I continued listening as I stir up the froth of my cappuccino. The sensual bubbles popping in and out aroused  my  personal experiences and memories…where I’ve learned my mistakes and the real facts of life!

    Being in a relationship is not an easy thing. It requires effort and commitment of both partners. One person can’t carry it alone. There should be a mutual attraction (physical, sexual, intellectual, etc), respect, interest, compromise etc.

    When one of these factors is missing, be ready for trouble.

    You might even try to save a relationship because you love the person who is not receptive but I think such attempts will be doomed to fail .  Even if you will succeed, you  will feel a tremendous toll that  drags you down the dumps!

    Do you know when to break up? It can be a very dismal area, especially if you have invested a lot of time and emotions in your relationship.

    I will try to cite out some points which I think are very important to consider whether to cut off or continue; to leave or to stay.

    1. Physical abuse: Hitting. Slapping. Punching. Kicking. Shoving/Pushing. Quick, get out now!     If you are a masochist, stay!


    2. Verbal abuse.  Common in many relationships, especially among teenagers. If you are constantly being put down by someone – break up!  If you are too proud and feel like God, then you need this kind of humiliation, stay!


    3. No Respect.  If there is no mutual respect in your relationship, if you are disillusioned or disgusted by your partner, the work to gain that respect back is very difficult to achieve.     Leave!   If you are dumb, stay!


    4. No Trust. If you do not trust your partner or vice-versa, imagine how many arguments and sleepless nights you both will have. Who needs that?  If you can’t forgive each other’s transgressions, then resentment will gradually replace love. Leave.  If you suffer from insomnia, stay!


    5.  No fun together.  A relationship that’s no fun is dead. Leave.  If you are suicidal, stay!


    6.  No shared goals and dreams. If you aren’t planning to spend your future together, something’s terribly wrong. Take off!    Are you commitmentphobe?, stay!


    I believe  a relationship should enhance your life, not drain it. You’ll do a lot more good giving yourself to someone who’s more receptive to what you have to offer and who genuinely appreciates you for it.

    If you’re spending your relationship fighting resistance more than sharing love, you’re probably better off letting it go and embracing a relationship that will provide greater mutual rewards for less work or live alone!

    I added two sachets of sugar, stirring like creating tsunami whirlpools in my cup of cappuccino. Slowly, my lips meet the rim of my cup, smelling its rich aroma. Savoring  its reinvigorating concoction, I held Gianna’s hand and  said:

    “Unless you have one love, big faith, and endless hope which supersedes everything, no matter what the circumstances are, you will find your answer. But then again, can you love enough to go willingly insane?”

    If you are going to ask me, honestly: “I can not!”




    The most terrible poverty is loneliness and the feeling of being unloved.” – Mother Teresa

    When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.” – Helen Keller

    The hottest love has the coldest end.” – Socrates

    When loving hearts are separated, not the one which is exhaled to heaven, but the survivor, it is which tastes the sting of death.” – Duchesse de Praslin

    Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.” –Kahlil Gibran

    In a separation it is the one who is not really in love who says the more tender things.” – Marcel Proust

    “Lovers may break our hearts, but only love can truly heal it.” – Les Vierges

    To fall in love is awfully simple, but to fall out of love is simply awful.” – Bess Myerson

    We are never so helplessly unhappy as when we lose love.”


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