“Love doesn’t lie, people do. Love doesn’t leave, people do. Love surely doesn’t leave you broken and annoyed. That’s something only a person is capable of doing. Don’t blame love, if it’s not in you.” –DeAndre Carswell
Are you happy with your relationship?Do you still feel the need to hold on to it even when you no longer feel its magical power of not being annoyed by your partner’s smell, look, opinions and behavior?
You slowly feel your needs are not satisfied. Emotionally, physically, financially, sexually and morally you feel like going down the drain.You feel hurt, in pain and alone.You might post your status in Facebook from “ In a relationship” to “it’s complicated” leaning to “single” and finally “unstable”!
Now let’s take an honest look at the mirror and ask ourselves “what have I done for this relationship?” “Am I still committed to this relationship?”For me it is important to believe that love is MORE than just a feeling. Love is also a decision, a commitment, a choice.Having said so, let us evaluate 5 important areas of our relationship.
- Spending time alone together – This is a problem with couples who have kids, who are “career –ambition oriented”, and who are engross with hobbies or friends and other passions. Couples who don’t spend time alone together will drift apart. it’s important that you have time alone together. Seriously — make the time. Your partner should be your priority. And when you’re together, make an effort to connect, not just be together. Build bridges.
- Appreciate each other – Try to see the good things about your partner. Take the time to say thank you, and give a hug and kiss. This little expression can go a long way. Don’t take your partner for granted or the relationship will drift towards a platonic level.Take the time, every single day, to give affection to your partner. Greet her when she comes home from work with a tight hug. Wake him up with a passionate kiss (who cares about morning breath!). Sneak up behind her and kiss her on the neck. Make out in the movie theater like teen-agers. Caress his back and neck while watching TV. Smile at her often
- Be intimate often – Sex is good. Pillow talk is better. Sex is easy, intimacy is difficult. It requires honesty, openness, self-disclosure, confiding concerns, fears, sadness as well as hopes and dreams.Work hard at maintaining closeness. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. A good relationship isn’t an end goal; it’s a lifelong process maintained through regular attention.
- Talk, share and give and meet halfway –Know your needs and express them clearly. A relationship is not a guessing game. Many people, fear expressing their needs and, as a result, camouflage them. The result is disappointment at not getting what they want. Closeness cannot occur without honesty. Your partner is not a mind reader.Solve problems as they arise – Don’t let resentments simmer. Cut it off while it’s still small. Most of what goes wrong in relationships can be traced to hurt feelings, leading partners to erect defenses against one another and to become strangers. Or enemies.There are two good ways to deal with resentment:
- breathe, and just let it go — accept your partner for who she/he is, faults and all because none of us is perfect; or
- talk to your partner about it if you cannot accept it, and try to come up with a solution that works for both of you – meet halfway ! Negotiate, compromise, rather than asking the other person to change; try to talk to them in a non-confrontational way, but in a way that expresses how you feel without being accusatory.
5. Don’t keep score – Keeping score is one of the most damaging things you can do to your relationship. I did the dishes last night, it’s his turn to apologize , it’s her turn to clean the bathroom, sexual intimacy is going zero every week, etc. Keeping score leads to resentment, hard feelings and a whole lot of stuff. If you find yourself starting to keep score -STOP- get together and talk. Talk about joint responsibilities, set realistic expectations, and talk openly about how you may feel you’re being taken for granted and where the other person could pitch in.
All relationships have their ups and downs just like a roller coaster. It does not ride at a continuous high all the time. Working together through the hard times will make the relationship stronger. Patience, respect , listening skills and love are our handy tools.
So try to make a good sense of a bad relationship by examining it as a reflection of your beliefs about yourself. Don’t just run away from a bad relationship; you’ll only repeat it with the next partner.Let us examine it and use it as a mirror to look at yourself, to understand what in you is creating this relationship.
Change yourself before you change your relationship. Remember, love is not an absolute, not a limited commodity that you’re in of or out of.It’s a feeling that ebbs and flows depending on how you treat each other.If you learn new ways to interact, the feelings can come flowing back, often stronger than before. What do you think?
Man is a knot into which relationships are tied. – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry,Flight to Arras, 1942, translated from French by Lewis Galantière
Celebrate every relationship you have ever had. For better or worse, our relationships are our best teachers. And on a soul level, we’ve attracted each and every one of them so we can learn and grow. -Dr. Christiane Northrup
Relationship is an art. The dream that two people create is more difficult to master than one. – Don Miguel Ruiz
Relationships are harder now because conversations became texting, arguments became phone calls, feelings became subliminal messages online. Sex became easy, the word “love” gets used out of context, insecurities have become your way of thinking. Getting jealous became a habit, trust has been lost, cheating became an accident, leaving became the only option and being hurt became natural. –unknown
Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That’s why it’s a comfort to go hand in hand. – Emily Kimbrough
There are days when you need someone who just wants to be your sunshine and not the air you breathe. –Robert Brault
Don’t smother each other. No one can grow in the shade. – Leo Buscaglia
If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? – Stephen Levine
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. – Henry Winkler
I felt it shelter to speak to you. – Emily Dickinson
Are we not like two volumes of one book? ~Marceline Desbordes-Valmor
Relationships: If you put up with it, you’re going to end up with it. Set the standard you want and don’t settle for less. -Steve Maraboli
Every relationship can be a lesson in self-worth. The person who is the hardest to forgive is the one who can teach you the greatest lessons. Its important to remember, that when you believe that – We are all One, its virtually impossible to find that hurting another feels good. For hurting another means hurting yourself. So-called irresponsible behavior vanishes and your gifted with the freedom to create a new life.” –Neale Donald Walsch
To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship. – Doménico Cieri Estrada
Never give up on someone you can’t go a day without thinking about. –Author Unknown
As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn’t supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it’s harder every time. You’ll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You’ll fight with your best friend. You’ll blame a new love for things an old one did. You’ll cry because time is passing too fast, and you’ll eventually lose someone you love. -Author Unknown
Don’t bring baggage from an ex-relationship into your next relationship…unless you want it to be a short trip.” –Robert Tew
Without a single thought, two hands collide and the world finally makes sense again. – Kayla Dawn
Happiness is having a dream you cannot let go of and a partner who would never ask you to. – Robert Brault
Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down. – Oprah Winfrey
There are times when two people need to step apart from one another, but there is no rule that says they have to turn and fire. – Robert Brault
Plan your relationships around your life… Not your life around your relationships. –Robert Tew
Not all relationships are meant to last, they’re just practice for the one that does. -Linda Poindexter
Love makes the relationship. Trust makes the difference in the success of the relationship. –Mark Amend