CHASING PAVEMENTS

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. – Paulo Coelho

Absolutely true Mr Paolo Coelho.  Life is made of choices and we tend to select the less painful.  I consider waiting as the most difficult and painful as I do not have any assurance. It is an absolute trust and hope for the unforeseen.

This reminds me of a reader who sent me an email after reading my post.  It conveys words of a woman in pain and in love. Pain of keeping secretly a relationship  as letting it out would mean hurting other lives. Living the sting of waiting for crumbs of time from the person whom she hopes will be hers forever. Apparently it cannot be as the person belongs to another before they met and fell in love.  She tried to give up knowing the futility of her relationship but love is too strong to conquer everything. She decides to keep the journey, waiting and hoping one day, at the end of the road, the person she loves will be there, exclusively for her alone!

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XoF4UIPqNXw[/youtube]

Did you find yourself in a similar situation? Did we find the right love at the wrong time? How can we listen to our mind without breaking our heart? Why is love so complicated?

Sometimes love can be a heart breaking journey. People involved will come from it with deep scars.  Oftentimes, we try to give love a second chance, a third chance, perhaps an endless chance. Why? Simply because, no matter how hurtful love can be,  it is still the most fulfilling emotion known to human life. A life without love is not life. Just what D. H. Lawrence once said: “love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.”

Then, what makes such a beautiful thing so complicated?

I would say,  it is because it asks more from us than anything else.  Love can never get satisfied with a partial commitment.  Love demands  full attention and all our energy.  It is not therefore love that is so complicated but mainly us that can not live up to its expectations. We tend to believe that words will make up for our lack of attentions, and sex will solve all our shortcomings. Unfortunately, love is much more than physical satisfaction and beautiful words.

CHASING PAVEMENTSHow many times did we hear someone saying how hurtful their partner is.  I believe this happens after two people know too much of each other. It is the time when the nice words and the sex can not make up for all our flaws. It is the time when partners do not try to hide their personal disappointments as they do not receive what they expected. It is the time when truth is said to hurt because we feel cheated by love. In reality, love never fails us. We fail love.

We jump into relationships without being sure of how strongly we love the person, and if we are ready to commit. And when we fail, we just jump to a new one without resolving the issues that made us fail the first one.

Is love complicated? Not really.  It is us.  We are the one who is complicated. We have so many issues, work related, family related, our differences, our religions, our beliefs, our fears, and all our expectations. By the time we become involved in a  relationship, our mind is so full that we do not take time to think and realize what we are committing for.

Most relations start when one person feels lonely and needs company, or one person is pressured by his peers to find someone because of his age, social position, family tradition, or simply because one is bored! How then do you expect to live up to something as demanding as love if you commit to it for dubious reasons? Love can only be effective and lasting if it is inspired from love.

Seeming an imposing task, but yet it is possible. All we need is the right attitude and take responsibility in our relationships. For love to work and produce its wonderful miracles we must give ourself completely into it and only with people you really love in your heart, be it the right or wrong time.  At the end of our journey only three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13

COMPLICATED LOVE QUOTES

In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it. – Paulo Coelho (Eleven Minutes)

Love simply is. That is the testament of Athena or Sherine or Hagia Sofia — love is. No definitions. Love and don’t ask too many questions. Just love. – Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)

Even if loving meant leaving, or solitude, or sorrow, love was worth every penny of its price.
I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you — until you tell me to go away. Then I’ll leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life. – Paulo Coelho

Love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current. For when those walls come down, then love takes over, and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible; it doesn’t even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control. –Paulo Coelho

Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to reach out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if it means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. – Paulo Coelho (By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept )

I’d like to run away From you, But if you didn’t come And find me … I would die. – Shirley Bassey

One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to be forgotten by someone they will never forget. – Anonymous

Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free….
Will never fly away. – Dick Sutphen

“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” – Jim Morrison

“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” – Erich Fromm (1900-1980) German-American Psychoanalyst, Social Philosopher

“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. – Neil Gaiman

“To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.” – Francois Mauriac (1885-1970) French Novelist, Essayist, Poet, Playwright

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao-Tzu (604-531BC) Chinese Philosopher, Co-founder of Taoism

The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.” – Orlando A. Battista (1917~) Canadian-American Chemist, Author

“Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep- burning and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee (1940-1973) Chinese-American Actor, Director, Martial Artist

“I love you – those three words have my life in them.” – Alexandrea to Nicholas III

If you told me you loved me, I could deal with that. If you told me you were walking away, I could deal with that. But, I cannot deal if you tell me you love me but you are walking away.” – Unknown

“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.” — Louise Erdrich

It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when it’s everything you want. – Anonymous

It’s hard to take a role in someone’s life when you’re not even part of the script.
The most painful part of leaving the person you love is that they’ll never come after you. – Anonymous

Assumptions are the termites of relationships. – Henry Winkler

Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others. – Stephen R. Covey

Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” – Gillian Anderson

The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands. – Anonymous

You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you. – Frederick Buechner

Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. –Dinah Craik

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein

Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other. – Russ Von Hoelscher

Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. – Anthony Robbins

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. – Leo F. Buscaglia

It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them. – Anthony Storr

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. – From the movie Annie

“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person”. – Wayne Dye

“You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years.” – Al Cleathen

“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”- Oprah Winfrey

“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust

(more…)

LIVE THE QUESTIONS

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”
Rainer Maria Rilke

Everything is, only I am not. Weird. I see people, houses, traffic but not myself nor a familiar face or story. I am behind my mind  “like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue” and it sees only what is in front of it.   Too many sealed rooms caught in intricate cobwebs and cold air surrounds me.

Was it my choice or was it a result of a “force majeure”?

Both ways. Too many turning points: crucial and salient events paved my journeys.  I have fallen off cliffs. I’ve slid down some slippery slopes into dark but eventually enlightening valleys. I have usually been fortunate and traveled quickly, but there were times when I barely crept along and times when I seemed to lose my way.

My future seems ominously uncertain.  Questions swirling around my head like a carousel.   I am slowly succumbing to inertia but I am trying hard to climb up beyond my ability and leave my emptiness behind . Ranier Rilke said “If your everyday life seems poor, don’t blame it; blame yourself; admit to yourself that you are not enough of a poet to call forth its riches; because for the creator there is no poverty and no indifferent place.”

I believe we were born a poet. We can bring life to what we see and feel.  Words speak images and images speak words.   A poet casts aside controlling, censoring and logical thoughts and looks at the world in an unexpected way.  A painter, a sculptor, a teacher, a surgeon, an actress, a farmer, a mother, or anyone else whose works and life unleash the imagination, is a poet, even a child.

Poet in solitude The problem is, I cannot recall the poet in me. I cannot find its roots in the very depths of my heart.

I cannot describe the images of my dreams as it stopped coming.  I cannot understand the beauty of what surrounds me nor describe my joys, sadness, desires and my memory.  Right now, I fumble for words, clumsily searching for my thoughts. Should I blame myself for this poverty?

The D’s like distraction, depression, deprivation, doubt can hinder us to think outside the box and color the outside lines.  We are sometimes  void of reactions and emotions.  Impatiently, our heart is  imprisoned by too many questions left frequently unanswered.

If you knew that love can break your heart,
If you’re down so low you cannot fall,
Would you change?
“How bad, how good does it need to get?
How many losses, how much regret?
What chain reaction would cause an effect?
Makes you turn around, makes you try to explain,
Makes you forgive and forget, makes you change?

– Change by Tracy Chapman

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kkCxkgDde88[/youtube]

I need to  rediscover the lost place from where my life flows. Inevitably, my relationship with my Creator and with the person I hurt in the past will be restored. Once again I will be able to listen the beautiful melody of a chirping bird, observe the innocent smile of a child and touch an afflicted heart hidden in a courageous person. Appreciate and be immersed in the multi color explosion of life in spite of its blunders and vanities. Most important: to see a familiar face, a story and myself.

Let us live the questions now. Unknowingly, we are slowly unfolding the answers with our pen of life.

RAINER MARIA RILKE QUOTES

It is not inertia alone that is responsible for human relationships repeating themselves from case to case, indescribably monotonous and unrenewed: it is shyness before any sort of new, unforeseeable experience with which one does not think oneself able to cope. But only someone who is ready for everything, who excludes nothing, not even the most enigmatical will live the relation to another as something alive.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow”
Rainer Maria Rilke

“Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.”
Rainer Maria Rilke

“Find out the reason that commands you to write; see whether it has spread its roots into the very depth of your heart; confess to yourself you would have to die if you were forbidden to write.”— Rainer Maria Rilke

“We need, in love, to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily; we do not need to learn it.”— Rainer Maria Rilke

“Let everything happen to you
Beauty and terror
Just keep going
No feeling is final”— Rainer Maria Rilke

“For one human being to love another human being: that is perhaps the most difficult task that has been given to us, the ultimate, the final problem and proof, the work for which all other work is merely preparation.”
Rainer Maria Rilke

“Love consists of this: two solitudes that meet, protect and greet each other. ”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must simply help it to be sick, to have its whole sickness and to break out with it, since that is the way it gets better.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“…. believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“…. only someone who is ready for everything, who doesn’t exclude any experience, even the most incomprehensible, will live the relationship with another person as something alive and will himself sound the depths of his own being.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation…Love is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world for himself for another’s sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“Things aren’t all so tangible and sayable as people would usually have us believe; most experiences are unsayable, they happen in a space that no word has ever entered, and more unsayable than all other things are works of art, those mysterious existences, whose life endures beside our own small, transitory life”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“And your doubt can become a good quality if you train it. It must become knowing, it must become criticism. Ask it, whenever it wants to spoil something for you, why something is ugly, demand proofs from it, test it, and you will find it perhaps bewildered and embarrased, perhaps also protesting. But don’t give in, insist on arguments, and act in this way, attentive and persistent, every single time, and the day will come when, instead of being a destroyer, it will become one of your best workers–perhaps the most intelligent of all the ones that are building your life.”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

“No one can advise or help you – no one. There is only one thing you should do. Go into yourself. Search for the reason that bids you write, find out wether it spreading out its root in the deepest places of your heart…Delve into yourself for a deep answer”
— Rainer Maria Rilke

Physical pleasure is a sensual experience no different from pure seeing or the pure sensation with which a fine fruit fills the tongue; it is a great unending experience, which is given us, a knowing of the world, the fullness and the glory of all knowing. And not our acceptance of it is bad; the bad thing is that most people misuse and squander this experience and apply it as a stimulant at the tired spots of their lives and as distraction instead of a rallying toward exalted moments.-Rainer Maria Rilke

All emotions are pure which gather you and lift you up; that emotion is impure which seizes only one side of your being and so distorts you.-Rainer Maria Rilke

There is here no measuring with time, no year matters, and ten years are nothing. Being an artist means, not reckoning and counting, but ripening like the tree which does not force it’s sap and stands confident in the storms of Spring without the fear that after them may come no Summer. It does come. I learn it daily, learn it with pain to which I am grateful-Rainer Maria Rilke

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