SCARS of LOVE

There are no kinds of love, love is love; there are only degrees of love. Love is trusting, accepting and believing, without guarantee. Love is patient and waits, but it’s an active waiting, not a passive one. For it is continually offering itself in a mutual revealing, a mutual sharing. Love is spontaneous and craves expression through joy, through beauty, through truth, even through tears. Love lives in the moment; it’s neither lost in yesterday nor does it crave for tomorrow. Love is Now!- Leo Buscaglia,  Love : What Life Is All About,  page: 74

love given-received

I’m in love again, but I’m afraid!” Jasmine, a friend, revealed hesitantly as we were walking along the shore. I gave her a big hug knowing the tumultuous years of her past  relationships.

My gaze hovers past the horizon reflecting about love, hearing its rustle within the whistling wind touching my senses. Our need for love is as great as the need for air or the need for food. We all need love but why are we so afraid of it?

The angry waves hurling against the shoreline gave me the answer: We are afraid of being hurt!!

Every time we give of ourselves, love requires total vulnerability. Every time we extend ourselves into vulnerability, we are risking being rejected, being turned away. I remember a quote from William Faulkner, “if I had to choose between pain and nothing, I would always chose pain.”

I agree. So what if you are jilted, you pick yourself up, you learn, and you go out to try again. No one is incapable of failure or error. The greatest lovers of the world have a lot of love scars all over. Yet, it’s okay because it doesn’t make them any tougher; they stay vulnerable. They learn and they move forward. It’s better to be hurt and alive than to be wandering around suspicious and dead, just like a zombie!

The next day, I gave Jasmine a book by one of my favorite “cheerleader for life”, Leo Buscaglia’s “Love: What Life Is All About”.

LOVE is NOW!”  I told her.

How about you, are you afraid to love?

I’m not! I love my scars…

LEO BUSCAGLIA QUOTES

ON LOVE

A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart.

In discussing love, it would be well to consider the following premises;

One cannot give what he does not possess. Too give love you must possess love.
One cannot teach what he does not understand. To teach love, you must comprehend love.
One cannot know what he does not study. To study love, you must live in love.
One cannot appreciate what he does not recognize. To recognize love you must be receptive to love.
One cannot have doubt about that which he wishes to trust. To trust loveyou must be convinced of love.
One cannot admit what he does not yield to. To yield to love you must be vulnerable tolove.
One cannot live what he does not dedicate himself to. To dedicate yourself to love you must be forever growing in love.

Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life.

Never idealize others. They will never live up to your expectations.

Only the weak are cruel. Gentleness can only be expected from the strong.

There are those who will dismiss love as a naïve and romantic construct of our culture. Others will wax poetic and tell you that “love is all,”love is the bird call and the glint in a young girl’s eyes on a summer night.” Some will be dogmatic and tell you emphatically that “God is Love.” And some, according to their own experience, will tell us, “Love is a strong emotional attachment to another…”etc. In some cases you will find that people have never thought of questioning love, much less defining it, and object violently even to the suggestion that they think about it. To them love is not to be pondered, it is simply to be experienced. It is true to some degree all of these statements are correct, but to assume that any one is best or all there is to love, is rather simple. So each man lives love in his limited fashion and does not seem to relate the resultant confusion and loneliness to this lack of knowledge about love.

Joy is always an integral part of loving. There is joy in every act of life, no matter how menial or repetitive. To work in love is to work in joy. To live in love is to live in joy… Why not choose joy?… Why not live in joy?

Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.

The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love.

The lover must often say, “I love because I must, because I will it. I love for myself, not for others. I love for the joy it gives me – and incedentally, only – for that joy it gives to others. If they reinforce me it will be good. If they do not, it also will be good, for I will to love.

I will love you no matter what.
I will love you if you slip or fall on your face,
If you do the wrong thing,
If you make mistakes,
If you behave like a human.
I will love you no matter.

As soon as the love relationship does not lead me to me, as soon as I in a love relationship do not lead another person to himself, this love, even if it seems to be the most secure and ecstatic attachment I have ever experienced, is not true love. For real love is dedicated to continual becoming.

I have learned that love is the most powerful force available to us. When we have real love we have the strength to perform miracles.

Only when we give joyfully, without hesitation or thought of gain, can we truly know what love means.

Love yourself—accept yourself—forgive yourself—and be good to yourself, because without you the rest of us are without a source of many wonderful things.

One does not fall ‘in’ or ‘out’ of love. One grows in love. (more…)

ALWAYS SOMEWHERE NEVER ANYWHERE

A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” – George Moore

 

Can you still stay for awhile? Sofia, 10 year old daughter of my host family in Austria yelled out from her window as I was about to put my last luggage inside the car. In my haste, I remember I forgot to kiss her good-bye as I didn’t see her around.

Her words and my never ending rushing are my crossroads in life.  I always have these choices: stay or leave.  Sadly for those who asked me to stay, I opted to leave.

These past two months of extensive travelling and rushing really drained me out. I feel hollow inside! There never seems to be enough time. I have less for myself and far less for another person.

I see myself in those who are impatient for people who talk or walk slowly, impatience in traffic, slow service, etc. “Time is money” we say. We rarely have time for real dialogue or for just “wasting time”.  Living in a European culture, this kind of system is eating me up slowly or faster?

somewhere never anywhere

This month, my work took me up to the beautiful Alps of Europe. Trekking along the steepy trails, enjoying the silence and solitude of the mountain sides, immersing in deep thoughts on a mountaintop while observing the panaroma below gave me a chance to slow down my pace and begin to see the world in a different perspective.

The marvelous part of it, I was only carrying a light backpack and in between pause, I would sit down pondering on a quote  inscribed on a plaque affixed to the bench like these:

travel -Alice in Wonderland

reflections

Yes, Just where am I going anyway? Where is there? Who am I? etc

I am always going somewhere, never being anywhere…never being with the person or people I care for.

One hiker beside me was reading a book of Helen Nearing, “Loving and leaving the Good life” and she smilingly showed me a passage from the book:

When one door closes, another opens . . . into another room, another space, other happenings. There are many doors to open and close in our lives. Some doors we leave ajar, where we hope and plan to return. Some doors are slammed shut decisively – “No more of that!” Some are closed regretfully, softly – “It was good, but it is over.”

Departures entail arrivals somewhere else. Closing a door, leaving it behind, means opening onto new vistas and ventures, new possibilities, new incentives.”

Reading it seemed to give me another oracle to my queries: am I ready to close a door? what am I ready to give up?

I am beginning to  believe that no external success can atone for internal failures.

I placed my last heavy luggage inside my car and went back to see Sofia.  I looked at her sad eyes wanting to tell her I can’t stay as I have another train to catch up. Instead, my lips uttered…”okay, I will stay for awhile!”

TRAVEL QUOTES

What am I doing here?”
Rimbaud writing home from Ethiopia

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I — I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference.” – Robert Frost

Muhammad says, ‘Love of one’s country is a part of the faith.’
But don’t take that literally! Your real ‘country’ is where you’re heading, not where you are.
Don’t misread that hadith.”
Rumi

If we are always arriving and departing, it is also true that we are eternally anchored. One’s destination is never a place but rather a new way of looking at things.”
Henry Miller

Traveling is like flirting with life. It’s like saying, ‘I would stay and love you, but I have to go; this is my station.'”
– Lisa St. Aubin de Teran

When you are everywhere, you are nowhere.
When you are somewhere, you are everywhere.”
– Rumi

Travel does what good novelists also do to the life of everyday, placing it like a picture in a frame or a gem in its setting, so that the intrinsic qualities are made more clear. Travel does this with the very stuff that everyday life is made of, giving to it the sharp contour and meaning of art.”
Freya Stark

If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness and fears.”
Glenn Clark

Home is where I should be.” – Isak Dinesen, Out of africa

No one realizes how beautiful it is to travel until he comes home and rests his head on his old, familiar pillow.” –Lin Yutang

(more…)

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