Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering. – Paulo Coelho
Absolutely true Mr Paolo Coelho. Life is made of choices and we tend to select the less painful. I consider waiting as the most difficult and painful as I do not have any assurance. It is an absolute trust and hope for the unforeseen.
This reminds me of a reader who sent me an email after reading my post. It conveys words of a woman in pain and in love. Pain of keeping secretly a relationship as letting it out would mean hurting other lives. Living the sting of waiting for crumbs of time from the person whom she hopes will be hers forever. Apparently it cannot be as the person belongs to another before they met and fell in love. She tried to give up knowing the futility of her relationship but love is too strong to conquer everything. She decides to keep the journey, waiting and hoping one day, at the end of the road, the person she loves will be there, exclusively for her alone!
Did you find yourself in a similar situation? Did we find the right love at the wrong time? How can we listen to our mind without breaking our heart? Why is love so complicated?
Sometimes love can be a heart breaking journey. People involved will come from it with deep scars. Oftentimes, we try to give love a second chance, a third chance, perhaps an endless chance. Why? Simply because, no matter how hurtful love can be, it is still the most fulfilling emotion known to human life. A life without love is not life. Just what D. H. Lawrence once said: “love is the flower of life, and blossoms unexpectedly and without law, and must be plucked where it is found, and enjoyed for the brief hour of its duration.”
Then, what makes such a beautiful thing so complicated?
I would say, it is because it asks more from us than anything else. Love can never get satisfied with a partial commitment. Love demands full attention and all our energy. It is not therefore love that is so complicated but mainly us that can not live up to its expectations. We tend to believe that words will make up for our lack of attentions, and sex will solve all our shortcomings. Unfortunately, love is much more than physical satisfaction and beautiful words.
How many times did we hear someone saying how hurtful their partner is. I believe this happens after two people know too much of each other. It is the time when the nice words and the sex can not make up for all our flaws. It is the time when partners do not try to hide their personal disappointments as they do not receive what they expected. It is the time when truth is said to hurt because we feel cheated by love. In reality, love never fails us. We fail love.
We jump into relationships without being sure of how strongly we love the person, and if we are ready to commit. And when we fail, we just jump to a new one without resolving the issues that made us fail the first one.
Is love complicated? Not really. It is us. We are the one who is complicated. We have so many issues, work related, family related, our differences, our religions, our beliefs, our fears, and all our expectations. By the time we become involved in a relationship, our mind is so full that we do not take time to think and realize what we are committing for.
Most relations start when one person feels lonely and needs company, or one person is pressured by his peers to find someone because of his age, social position, family tradition, or simply because one is bored! How then do you expect to live up to something as demanding as love if you commit to it for dubious reasons? Love can only be effective and lasting if it is inspired from love.
Seeming an imposing task, but yet it is possible. All we need is the right attitude and take responsibility in our relationships. For love to work and produce its wonderful miracles we must give ourself completely into it and only with people you really love in your heart, be it the right or wrong time. At the end of our journey only three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13
COMPLICATED LOVE QUOTES
In love, no one can harm anyone else; we are each of us responsible for our own feelings and cannot blame someone else for what we feel. It hurt when I lost each of the various men I fell in love with. Now, though, I am convinced that no one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it. – Paulo Coelho (Eleven Minutes)
Love simply is. That is the testament of Athena or Sherine or Hagia Sofia — love is. No definitions. Love and don’t ask too many questions. Just love. – Paulo Coelho (The Witch of Portobello)
Even if loving meant leaving, or solitude, or sorrow, love was worth every penny of its price.
I am going to sit here with you by the river. If you go home to sleep, I will sleep in front of your house. And if you go away, I will follow you — until you tell me to go away. Then I’ll leave. But I have to love you for the rest of my life. – Paulo Coelho
Love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current. For when those walls come down, then love takes over, and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible; it doesn’t even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control. –Paulo Coelho
Love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to reach out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if it means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness. – Paulo Coelho (By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept )
I’d like to run away From you, But if you didn’t come And find me … I would die. – Shirley Bassey
One of the worst things that can happen to a person is to be forgotten by someone they will never forget. – Anonymous
Love me without fear
Trust me without questioning
Need me without demanding
Want me without restrictions
Accept me without change
Desire me without inhibitions
For a love so free….
Will never fly away. – Dick Sutphen
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.” – Jim Morrison
“Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love.” – Erich Fromm (1900-1980) German-American Psychoanalyst, Social Philosopher
“We come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen
“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn’t it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…You give them a piece of you. They didn’t ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love. – Neil Gaiman
“To love someone is to see a miracle invisible to others.” – Francois Mauriac (1885-1970) French Novelist, Essayist, Poet, Playwright
Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao-Tzu (604-531BC) Chinese Philosopher, Co-founder of Taoism
The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they’re still alive.” – Orlando A. Battista (1917~) Canadian-American Chemist, Author
“Love is like a friendship caught on fire: In the beginning a flame, very pretty, often hot and fierce, but still only light and flickering. As love grows older, our hearts mature and our love becomes as coals, deep- burning and unquenchable.” – Bruce Lee (1940-1973) Chinese-American Actor, Director, Martial Artist
“I love you – those three words have my life in them.” – Alexandrea to Nicholas III
If you told me you loved me, I could deal with that. If you told me you were walking away, I could deal with that. But, I cannot deal if you tell me you love me but you are walking away.” – Unknown
“Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won’t either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself that you tasted as many as you could.” — Louise Erdrich
It’s hard to wait around for something you know might never happen, but it’s even harder to give up when it’s everything you want. – Anonymous
It’s hard to take a role in someone’s life when you’re not even part of the script.
The most painful part of leaving the person you love is that they’ll never come after you. – Anonymous
Assumptions are the termites of relationships. – Henry Winkler
Our greatest joy-and our greatest pain comes in our relationships with others. – Stephen R. Covey
Well, it seems to me that the best relationships – the ones that last – are frequently the ones that are rooted in friendship. You know, one day you look at the person and you see something more than you did the night before. Like a switch has been flicked somewhere. And the person who was just a friend is… suddenly the only person you can ever imagine yourself with” – Gillian Anderson
The ultimate test of a relationship is to disagree but hold hands. – Anonymous
You can kiss your family and friends good-bye and put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not just live in a world but a world lives in you. – Frederick Buechner
Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away. –Dinah Craik
Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” – Albert Einstein
Don’t rush into any kind of relationship. Work on yourself. Feel yourself, experience yourself and love yourself. Do this first and you will soon attract that special loving other. – Russ Von Hoelscher
Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something. They’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take. – Anthony Robbins
A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself — to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart. – Leo F. Buscaglia
It is only when we no longer compulsively need someone that we can have a real relationship with them. – Anthony Storr
How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. – From the movie Annie
“Problems in relationship occur because each person is concentrating on what is missing in the other person”. – Wayne Dye
“You meet someone and you’re sure you were lovers in a past life. After two weeks with them, you realize why you haven’t kept in touch for the last two thousand years.” – Al Cleathen
“Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.”- Oprah Winfrey
“Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.” – Marcel Proust
“To paint is not to copy the object slavishly, it is to grasp a harmony among many relationships.” – Paul Cezanne
You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. – Henny Youngman
We are never so defensless against suffering as when we love. – Sigmund Freud
The pain of love is the pain of being alive. It is a perpetual wound. – Maureen Duffy
A mighty pain to love it is, and ’tis a pain that pain to miss; but of all the pains, the greatest pain is to love, but love in vain.
– Abraham Crowley
Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love. – George Eliot
We had the right love
At the wrong time
Maybe we’ve only just begun
Maybe the best is yet to come
Somewhere down the road
Our roads are gonna cross again
It doesn’t really matter when
But somewhere down the road
I know that heart of yours
will come to see
That you belong
With me -Music by: Tom Snow Lyrics by: Cynthia Well Artist: Barry Manilow