Reflections on life. Collections of inspirational quotes. Rediscovering relationships and faith.
The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. – by Edwin Friedman
“Attitudes are the real figures of speech” was my reply to a desperate friend who finds his relationship a mess. Endless misunderstanding is a common scenario between them but he doesn’t want to give up on her.
“Just like this afternoon…” he continued on venting out while I fixed my gaze on his lonely eyes.
“Would you like to stop for an ice cream?” my girlfriend said
“No, thanks,” I answered truthfully.
“The result? she became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. I became frustrated because she became irritable. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted?” He stopped talking as he smoked fidgeting on his seat.
I lowered my eyes while listening to his predicament as I mused over the same experiences I had with my exs.
“You’re illogical,” “You’re self- centered,” “You don’t care about me.” were the usual complaints I received. Of course, I didn’t take it sitting down. Usually, I try to analyze what made them say such things by asking them in an affectionate manner questions that would lead me to discover the main cause of their wounded ego.
I discovered that the seemingly senseless misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can in part be explained by the different conversational rules by which men and women (anatomically equipped or not !?) play.
“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” – John Gray
Once we grasp the two characteristic approaches, we stand a better chance of preventing disagreements from spiraling out of control.
Learning the other’s ways of talking is a leap across the communication gap between men and women ( again, anatomically equipped or not!), and a giant step towards genuine understanding.
Smoking together, I told my friend: “men are from mars and women are from venus.”
His eyes lightened up!
Communication quotes to follow….