Communication in relationships
The colossal misunderstanding of our time is the assumption that insight will work with people who are unmotivated to change. Communication does not depend on syntax, or eloquence, or rhetoric, or articulation but on the emotional context in which the message is being heard. People can only hear you when they are moving toward you, and they are not likely to when your words are pursuing them. Even the choices words lose their power when they are used to overpower. Attitudes are the real figures of speech. - by Edwin Friedman
“Attitudes are the real figures of speech” was my reply to a desperate friend who finds his relationship a mess. Endless misunderstanding is a common scenario between them but he doesn’t want to give up on her.
“Just like this afternoon…” he continued on venting out while I fixed my gaze on his lonely eyes.
“Would you like to stop for an ice cream?” my girlfriend said
“No, thanks,” I answered truthfully.
“The result? she became annoyed because she felt her preference had not been considered. I became frustrated because she became irritable. Why didn’t she just say what she wanted?” He stopped talking as he smoked fidgeting on his seat.
I lowered my eyes while listening to his predicament as I mused over the same experiences I had with my exs.
“You’re illogical,” “You’re self- centered,” “You don’t care about me.” were the usual complaints I received. Of course, I didn’t take it sitting down. Usually, I try to analyze what made them say such things by asking them in an affectionate manner questions that would lead me to discover the main cause of their wounded ego.
I discovered that the seemingly senseless misunderstandings that haunt our relationships can in part be explained by the different conversational rules by which men and women (anatomically equipped or not !?) play.
“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed. Women are motivated and empowered when they feel cherished.” - John Gray
Once we grasp the two characteristic approaches, we stand a better chance of preventing disagreements from spiraling out of control.
Learning the other’s ways of talking is a leap across the communication gap between men and women ( again, anatomically equipped or not!), and a giant step towards genuine understanding.
Smoking together, I told my friend: “men are from mars and women are from venus.”
His eyes lightened up!
Communication quotes to follow….
COMMUNICATION QUOTES
- Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. - Plato
- Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. - Mother Teresa
- Speech is power: speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel. It is to bring another out of his bad sense into your good sense. - Ralph Waldo Emerson
- Remember not only to say the right thing in the right place, but far more difficult still, to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment. -Benjamin Franklin
- The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem, of what to say and how to say it. - Edward Murrow
- When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen. - Ernest Hemingway
- Be sincere; be brief; be seated. - Franklin Delano Roosevelt
- The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished. - George Bernard Shaw
- Kind words do not cost much. Yet they accomplish much. - Blaise Pascal
- No one would talk much in society, if he knew how often he misunderstands others - Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
- It is very hard to say the exact truth, even about your own immediate feelings - much harder than to say something fine about them which is not the exact truth. - George Eliot
- The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. - Hubert Humphrey
- Argument is the worst sort of conversation. - Jonathan Swift
- Everything becomes a little different as soon as it is spoken out loud. - Herman Hesse
- Two monologues do not make a dialogue. - Jeff Daly
- We are healed of a suffering only by expressing it to the full. - Marcel Proust
- One of the basic causes for all the trouble in the world today is that people talk too much and think too little. They act impulsively without thinking. I always try to think before I talk. -Margheret Chase Smith
- Whenever two good people argue over principles, they are both right. -Marie Ebner von Eschenbach
- Electric communication will never be a substitute for the face of someone who with their soul encourages another person to be brave and true. - Charles Dickens
- I quote others only in order the better to express myself. -Michel de Montaigne
- The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Just listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. A loving silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words. - Rachel Naomi Remen
- Men and women belong to different species, and communication between them is a science still in its infancy. - Bill Cosby
- Words are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind. - Rudyard Kipling
- There are men who would quickly love each other if once they were speak to each other; for when they spoke they would discover that their souls had only separated by phantoms and delusions. - Ernest Hello
- Feelings of worth can flourish only in an atmosphere where individual differences are appreciated, mistakes are tolerated, communication is open, and rules are flexible — the kind of atmosphere that is found in a nurturing family. - Virginia Satir
- Communication is not only the essence of being human, but also a vital property of life.- John Piece
- If I am to speak ten minutes, I need a week for preparation; if fifteen minutes, three days; if half an hour, two days; if an hour, I am ready now. - Woodrow Wilson
- It seemed rather incongruous that in a society of supersophisticated communication, we often suffer from a shortage of listeners.- Erma Bombeck
- To effectively communicate, we must realize that we are all different in the way we perceive the world and use this understanding as a guide to our communication with others. - Anthony Robbins
- You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist. - Indira Gandhi
- Good communication is as stimulating as black coffee, and just as hard to sleep after. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh
Filed under: COMMUNICATION, RELATIONSHIPS, COMMUNICATION QUOTES, LIFE by ross
Been married for 15 years… and yes, the most challenging part of keeping the relationship is maintaining the line of communication open. It’s hard…but it can be done.
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Somehow, It felt that I’m the one you’re talking about. I really could relate to that guy. Indeed, men are from mars and women are from venus.
Thanks! Again, I love your header.
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TeacheGee,
welcome to my site!
***kunyari hindi kilala
It’s absolutely true that it’s hard to keep the lines open for sooo many years BUT it can be done because love is not only emotions, IT IS AN ACT of WILL too!
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INSOMNITY,
We always tend to connect to similar pain or experiences shared by another stranger
Thank you for loving my header!
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dumadaan lang po…
take care.
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“Men are motivated and empowered when they feel needed.”
yeah, but they can be the most insensitive creatures too if you don’t let them know what your needs are… YOU GOTTA LET ‘EM KNOW! (ie… honey, birthday ko tomorrow, ano kaya matatanggap ko from you - flowers kaya ulit? sana may kasamang singsing!) Yup, tigilan ang pagka sensi at isantabi ang precious pride - gotta let your man know otherwise madidismaya ka lang. I always believe that BEHIND EVERY “THOUGHTFUL” MAN IS A VERY DEMANDING WOMAN, HAHAHAHA!
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@JC,
thank you for passing by
@TeacherGee,
YUP!!! you gotta let them know! Mahirap kasi sa mga babae, umiikot pa ang salita! heheh eh iba utak nga ng lalaki
Natawa ko sa quote mo BEHIND EVERY “THOUGHTFUL†MAN IS A VERY DEMANDING WOMAN
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le donne e gli uomini comunicano in modo diverso , forse un tempo questa cosa era piu’ vera ..oggi l’uomo e la donna sono piu’ vicini nel modo di essere , o meglio le donne si sono avvicinate all’uomo prendendo spunto dalle sue parti peggiori e gli uomini la stessa cosa , ci capiamo di piu’ e andiamo sempre meno daccordo :-p :-))
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Nanetto mio,
” o meglio le donne si sono avvicinate all’uomo prendendo spunto dalle sue parti peggiori ”
hmmn, perchè hai messo prima le donne?
la differenza nel modo di comunicare tra l’uomo e la donna non posso generalizzre. Ognuno/ognuna è diverso.
Come vedo, capisci allora quello che scrivo qui. Non è tagalog per te!
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Ros, sana may translation yung usapan nyo ni Nanetto…
Thanks nga pala sa text mo ha…sinagot kita sa YM pero wala ka naman…
di pa rin working yung site ko…buhuhu…
pero nagawa ko na asaynment ko sa b2p! sana ok na at makakubra na ng 1.7k! check http://ceefive.i.ph (8 posts in a day ginawa ko para lang makahabol sa dedlayn!)
re your post…kakatuwa…in my experience, i’ve always been the silent type…if there’s an issue, it’s more of a psy-’war’…especially if i’m the one at the erring end, sandamukal na pag-amo na ang gagawin ko nyan…pag kasalanan nya, tahimik lang ako at parang magnet yun na lalapit…
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There really is no doubt about gender differences–men and women are born wired differently. That is not a bad thing, and difference does not mean inequality or inferiority either way. A good book on this (from a scientific standpoint) was “The Female Brain”.
But one thing that women are much superior at is reading people and understanding.
~Becky
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Whether man is from Mars and woman from Venus, I think the key for better communication is listening with your heart.
Listening with your head would make you assume you already know what you are talking about… and end up arguing.
Listening with your heart would enable you to “see” where the other person is coming from.
Anyway, this is just my two cents.
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C5,
be careful about psy war
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Becky,
I agree with you: “difference does not mean inequality or inferiority either way” (becky) and I absolutely concur with your thought:
“women are much superior at is reading people and understanding.”
Maybe that is one reason for a noticeable increment of F2F! lol
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Sonnie,
“listening with your heart.” - this requires a great amount of discipline, more soul in doing it. Sometimes distractions in this world hinder us to listen attentively with our heart to what a person and God is silently tellng us.
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“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? (Jeremiah 17:9)
“A soft answer turns away wrath: but a grievous words stir up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
“He that is void of wisdom despises his neighbor: but a man of understanding holds his peace.” (Proverbs 11:12)
“When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.” (Proverbs 16:7)
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C5,
thank you for the biblical passages.
How are you? Hopin you’ve resolve your problem.
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You’re welcome!
Unfortunately, my realty site’s still down. I don’t know what happened. But I’ll live.
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C5,
as my topic here is communication - abah ask your server or host what’s the problem. communicate my friend!
BTW, you are indeed really good in Balagtasan, rather, bravissima!
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Ros, my site’s ok now…imagine they called me up from New Zealand or Australia perhaps just to tell me what happened…they called me up before but wasn’t able to answer since my battery failed…so they’ve been trying to call…and it’s even free! They’re really great! I can’t complain.
Well, thanks for the compliment!
I think we all were great and funny the way everyone pitched in…
About the PP, does it ask for tax ID if applications come from there? I need an address that’s accepted by PP…then maybe when I want to withdraw, I’ll send you an amount and include the fee how much it will cost to send it over to me via Western Union…what do you think? So I can put up a donation button at my site as well
Who knows? 
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C5,
yeah it was hilarious when everyone tried to pitched in!
I’m glad your site is working now, compliments for your webhost.
About PP, why don’t you try to apply?
It will ask for your credit card or bank account. Choose whatever is convenient for you. No, it didnt ask for any tax ID.
Please go to their site so you’ll have a clearer idea.
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about PP, i did apply, but it’s limited to sending only when it comes to the Phils…
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