Between infidelity and love, we always have our choice in any given moment.
Where is this love? I can’t see it, I can’t touch it. I can’t feel it. I can hear it. I can hear some words, but I can’t do anything with your easy words. – Alice, portrayed by Natalie Portman in Closer 2004 film
I cannot help but like the movie “Closer” for its honesty in portraying a dysfunctional relationship relating to infidelity and love. It portrays the consequence of breaking moral laws. Lies and deceits make a messy relationship.
However, a reader sent me an email which gives a positive outlook in all our human frailties. This person does not accept the moral chaos as a “fact of life” but strongly believes that love is more important than faith, trust and infidelity.
I am publishing his email in his response to my post “I love you it’s over“…
“Love is the only sane and satisfactory answer to the problem of human existence.” – Eric Fromm
What is the essence of a good relationship? I guess the greatest need in a relationship would be trust. I mean, there wouldn’t be any developments in a relationship without it. It simply just wouldn’t work out. Without it, everything would mean nothing. This so called “trust” is a really valuable thing. When gained, one should take care of it, nurture it like a child until it grows strong. It’s easily broken, and hard to fix. It would be like going through hell just to get it back, it’s that hard. There are a lot of ways to break trust, one of which is cheating on your girlfriend or your boyfriend.
This is my story… Me, my girl and our relationship. We enjoy each other’s company, no fights! One day, I found out that my girlfriend, the one I trust, the one that I love, was cheating on me. At first, I was infuriated and at the same time confused. I waited for her to tell me, but nothing! Thoughts like “does she still love me? keep taunting me, not telling me that she loves another guy, hurt!
But I just couldn’t tell her what I know, because if I tell her, there will be a fight, we’d break up, and I’ll be left alone. Months passed by, days faded away, the sun rises, then the sun sets… still, nothing changed. I tried to be sweeter and be more attentive. Even after I tried to be a better partner, she continued her secret life with the same guy. “Should I tell her? or shouldn’t I?”
It wasn’t really easy to decide. I’m being a total fool, blinding myself. I already know she’s with someone else, so why keep on living with her? Why keep tolerating what she’s doing? She is not aware of the pain she is causing me. I wanted to be greedy, I even thought about confronting the other guy, but I just couldn’t. That guy was really getting on my nerves! Makes me just want to take a picture of him, stick it to a dart board then throw as many darts at his face! Which is exactly what I did.
Then it hit me. This very subtle, humble and deep meaning… “Love”. I couldn’t take any risks of telling her or even just showing her that I knew because I love her. I love simply because I love. She is not my property to give her limitations and exert my rights as her partner!
I love her… So I just went on with my martyrdom. Acting like everything was ok, like nothing was wrong. What kept me going was the thought of her, still being there for me, even though she found another person to admire and love. All I could tell her was I couldn’t lose her.
I know I’m being a fool, a martyr, and stupid. They say people do stupid things for the people they love, it’s true. Actually I think I’m a perfect example of that kind of person but I don’t regret what I am doing. Until now she’s still cheating on me, but hey, she’s still mine right? I will love her for a thousand years more!
The cruelest lies are often told in silence. – Robert Louis Stevenson
It is necessary to the happiness of man that he be mentally faithful to himself. Infidelity does not consist in believing, or in disbelieving, it consists in professing to believe what he does not believe.
We’re all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you’ve been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there’s no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn’t until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems—the ones that make you truly who you are—that we’re ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you’re looking for. You’re looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person—someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, “This is the problem I want to have.”
I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.
Let our scars fall in love.” Galway Kinnells
If you say, I love you, then you have already fallen in love with language, which is already a form of break up and infidelity. -Jean Baudrillard
The nurse of infidelity is sensuality.- Lord David Cecil
When you betray somebody else, you also betray yourself. – Isaac Bashevis Singer
It is better to suffer wrong than to do it, and happier to be sometimes cheated than not to trust.”
- Samuel Johnson
Cheating is not an accident. It’s a choice.” – Raffy from ‘A Secret Affair
When we’re incomplete, we’re always searching for somebody to complete us. When, after a few years or a few months of a relationship, we find that we’re still unfulfilled, we blame our partners and take up with somebody more promising. This can go on and on–series polygamy–until we admit that while a partner can add sweet dimensions to our lives, we, each of us, are responsible for our own fulfillment. Nobody else can provide it for us, and to believe otherwise is to delude ourselves dangerously and to program for eventual failure every relationship we enter.” - Tom Robbins
“I think you still love me, but we can’t escape the fact that I’m not enough for you. I knew this was going to happen. So I’m not blaming you for falling in love with another woman. I’m not angry, either. I should be, but I’m not. I just feel pain. A lot of pain. I thought I could imagine how much this would hurt, but I was wrong.” - Haruki Murakami, South of the Border, West of the Sun
Fuck You for cheating on me. Fuck you for reducing it to the word cheating. As if this were a card game, and you sneaked a look at my hand. Who came up with the term cheating, anyway? A cheater, I imagine. Someone who thought liar was too harsh. Someone who thought devastator was too emotional. The same person who thought, oops, he’d gotten caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Fuck you. This isn’t about slipping yourself an extra twenty dollars of Monopoly money. These are our lives. You went and broke our lives. You are so much worse than a cheater. You killed something. And you killed it when its back was turned.” - David Levithan, The Lover’s Dictionary
“It hurts to let go. Sometimes it seems the harder you try to hold on to something or someone the more it wants to get away. You feel like some kind of criminal for having felt, for having wanted. For having wanted to be wanted. It confuses you, because you think that your feelings were wrong and it makes you feel so small because it’s so hard to keep it inside when you let it out and it doesn’t coma back. You’re left so alone that you can’t explain. Damn, there’s nothing like that, is there? I’ve been there and you have too. You’re nodding your head.” - Henry Rollins, The Portable Henry Rollins
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast…. be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust…. and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet
People generally didn’t cheat in good relationships.” - Emily Giffin, Something Blue
Don’t stop loving me. I can see it draining out of you. It’s me, remember? It was a stupid thing to do and it meant nothing. If you love me enough, you’ll forgive me. – Anna, portrayed by Julia Roberts in Closer, 2004